i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
