the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
