I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
