based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
