WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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