very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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