I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
