today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
