Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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