theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
