I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
