You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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