U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
