Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
