Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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