You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
