I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
