WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Of course I have a pirate flag
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
