talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
oh god the rape fog is back!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
