Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
