Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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