Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
