dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
