So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
