Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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