He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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