apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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