no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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