dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
