Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
