New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
dude. I can hear the air.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
