I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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