so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
