I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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