I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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