mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
