you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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