Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
