Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize