saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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