got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The uberlube is also flammable
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
