I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
