Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
