whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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