just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
