honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
