how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
