Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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