I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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