I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
