I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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