mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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