Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
