wanna go halves on a baby?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
