I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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