Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
