it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pooping to opera.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
