Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
