we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
