There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
