Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
