if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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