Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
