I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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