I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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