"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
