HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
