DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
