Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
