How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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