Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
