there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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