He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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