Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
