I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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