She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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