Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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