when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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