Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
