help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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