It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
