at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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